Blog Goes International: Russia Is a Little Behind the Times

This is one of the Russian spies arrested yesterday. Her spy-name is Anna Chapman. I wonder if all of them used surnames of famous killers.

Did you see this story?

Apparently, 10 Russian spies have been living deep under cover as married, suburban, soccer-parents in Virginia, New jersey and New York for years. My question is, why? Does Russia think we are still fighting the cold war? Do they plan to crush us with Kruschev's old shoe? Are they trying to find out the secret recipes for Coke and KFC?

I think this is just an excuse for Russian intelligence personnel to live here. (By "here," I mean in the US, not Utah, obviously.) Maybe they just don't have Glamor Shots in Russia and really felt they needed some filtered pictures of young Russians with "come hither" looks (see pic above).

And they did such a GOOD JOB, too! Right up until they got arrested and had their faces plastered all over the US media.

According to the article, they had "spy sex" and "spy kids" in order to become "Americanized." What does that even mean? Russians have sex and kids, I assume. I understand that having kids as part of the cover story makes it more convincing, but it does not make them more "American-ish," does it?

What I cannot figure out is how having "spy sex" makes them more Americanesque. Who would know? Do they have a sex tape on YouTube? (I have not looked. I'll leave that to you. Let me know if they are singing the National Anthem or something really American, you know, to make them seem more American.) And what the heck is "spy sex?" Are ropes and masks involved? Tiny cameras and recording devices? Do they use secret codes to ....? You get the point.

This is a weird story. But things always seem really weird when they are out of proper time and/or context. This story would be thrilling and scary in 1979. But in 2010, I just think it's funny. What could Russia possibly learn from these spy-sex-soccer-parent pretenders that they could not learn from satellite technology, hacking, cellphone eavesdropping, and the freaking Freedom of Information Act? Yes, I'm sure we have very important secrets, but these suburban throwbacks were not even CLOSE to anything or anyone important (apparently). They just look like cavemen in a world of robots. Maybe they can get a job in a Geico ad - when they get out of prison.