(1) Notify the media that there is a 10-foot tall, blond, dawg-killing monster on the loose.
(2) Continue by claiming that you went outside your house in the evening to "call coyotes."
(3) Claim to have seen a 10-foot tall, ape-like creature with a human face and "beautiful hair" in the woods near your home.
(4) Claim further that you have seen the creature numerous times near your home.
(5) Accuse the creature of killing one of your five dawgs.
(6) Draw a picture of the monster with beautiful blond hair to show to reporters.
(7) Explain that as an experienced hunter, you could have shot and killed the creature, but you were afraid of gettin' in trouble with the police.
(8) Ease everyone's anxiety over the (apparently) Aryan Big Foot Monster by describing how you scared him (her?) away by "rough talking" to him (her?).
I promise this will get you on TV. See?
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