Blogging Plus Urban Dictionary Equals Posterity

I have 12 entries in Urban Dictionary. All of them are from this past year. Most of them appeared here or were conceived of while drafting a blog entry. The rest are from conversations with my sister. [Don't read anything into that. We like to "cut up." By that I mean being silly, not carpel tunnel surgery.]

They are:

1 hypocriture - the gaping hole in the logic and reasoning of a person or group that is filled with hypocrisy.

2 eye rape - forcing someone to spontaneously or suddenly see a disturbing or offensive image or picture without their consent, especially through electronic media. [Ok. One of my Facebook friends is responsible for this one. You know who you are. Also, see picture above.]

3 OMGyn - a text-ese exclamation of shock or surprise at the news you get from your gynecologist.

4 Benatini - a cocktail of any variety mixed with Benadryl to increase the impact of the drink.

5 vamporn - vampire-themed fiction with overt sexual depictions. (Two thumbs up on this one!)

6 Tinx - a texted curse placed on the person you are texting with when he or she simultaneously texts the same thing you do.

7 Fishford Wife - individual who neglects real life obligations and activities in order to care for a virtual fish tank and his/her menagerie of eFish in Fishville.

8 ePETA - organization of people who advocate the fair and humane treatment of epets and other eanimals that virtually exist as Farmville livestock and Fishville fish.

9 hag up - A woman connecting with a male gay friend, or a gay man connecting with a female friend. Like a "hook up" but platonic by virtue of his being gay.

10 uptighty-righty - a very conservative, repressed, judgmental, fundamentalist right-winger.

11 dickumentary - extremely detailed and awkwardly thorough description of your boyfriend's penis.

12 omniterran - covering, including or involving the the entire planet Earth.

So, I contributed 12 new words to the modern, popular English language. What did you do this year?

We Wish You a Victorious Festivus, and a Happy New Year!

As we pause at the end of 2010 to gather for our respective Festivus events, let me say that we are sadly lacking in Festivus songs. Like atheists, Festivus revelers have no songs.

(Allow me to remind those of you who do not celebrate Festivus what this tradition entails. No tree, or candles, or garland, or elves, just an aluminum pole. And we engage in the annual Airing of Grievances. (I’m really looking forward to that one this year!) And, finally, we show off in the Feats of Strength. What could be better and/or less controversial?)

So, may I suggest to following Festivus Song ideas?

“Silver Poles”

“I’ll be Fit for Festivus”

“You Treated Me Like Crap All Year and Now You Want a Present?”

“Festivus Miracles Everywhere”

“All I Want For Festivus Is to Kick Your Ass”

“Screw You!”

“Festivus for the Rest of Us”

“You Say Aluminum, I Say Aluminium”

“No War with Festivus (We Don’t Care If You Put a Pole in the Park)”

“Keep You Myrrh, Bring Your Gripes”

And I suppose we can still sing “Let It Snow,” “Sleigh Ride,” Jingle Bells,” and “Auld Lang Syne.” That’s enough for a Festivus CD, if someone would actually write the songs suggested above. I wonder if Adam Lambert could be convinced to sing them?

I Used "Frak" So You Would Read This and Not Be Offended

[This is the family friendly version of a blog I posted today on my page in the Adam Lambert Fan Site. One or two of you might find it interesting.]

The Many Messages in Adam Lambert’s “Frak You”

Last night, December 15, 2010, Adam Lambert performed the second to last concert of his Glam Nation Tour at the Henry Fonda Theater, aka The Music Box, the same theater he performed in 6 years ago to the day. Six years ago, he was a virtually unknown talent (except in certain LA circles) when he sang “A Change Is Gonna Come” in that performance of The Zodiac Show, dressed in feathers, leather, and glitter, looking like a human-peacock hybrid.

Those of us who know countless trivial facts about Adam’s life were aware of the circuitous nature of last night’s performance, and were all hoping he would sing “A Change Is Gonna Come” again. He did not disappoint.

But before singing the song, he had something to say.

He called the song “an amazing anthem that was originally intended for civil rights.” He then added that the gay and lesbian community is currently involved in a civil rights movement. The crowd cheered.

He continued, “Being told years ago, “You’re not gonna make it frakking looking like that.” He told the story of working on a project while in rehearsals for that same Zodiac Show and someone said to him “You gotta take off your eye makeup and your nail polish, man, we just, we’re very uncomfortable with that.” He looked at them and said, “I’m in rehearsal and I’m a frakking singer. What the frak is your problem?” He then explained that his performance of “A Change is Gonna Come” in The Zodiac Show was charged with his feelings from that experience.

He continued, “And then, in the long run, it was the same thing. ‘No.’ ‘No.’ ‘No.’ ‘You’re never gonna make it.’ ‘No.’ ‘No.’ ‘No.’” He told the crowd that he is not cocky, just thankful for his friends and proud to have completed a world tour and be a Grammy nominee.

But here’s the moral to the whole story that he wanted us to understand: “Anybody that tells you ‘no,” tell them, ‘Frak You!’”

There is a lot of meaning in that “Frak You!” It’s not just a dismissal. It’s an “I will not let your prejudices stop me!”, a “Your discomfort with my appearance is not my problem!”, an “I know there are people out there who will appreciate me just the way I am, so just get out of my way!,” an “I told you so!”, a “You were a fool to doubt me!”, and an “It doesn’t matter that I’m gay!”.

And it’s not just directed at homophobic bigots. It’s a “Frak You” to record label executives who would not give him a chance. It’s a “Frak You” to other artists and industry people who pressured him to change because they were “uncomfortable.” It’s a “Frak You” to Simon Cowell who called “Ring of Fire” “indulgent rubbish” and to Randy Travis who was rendered “speechless” by nail polish and flamboyance. It’s a “Frak You” to the 1500 people who complained to the FCC about his AMA performance while ignoring the crotch-grabbing, rifle-brandishing, and rape-extolling performances of other artists on the same show, earlier in the evening. It’s a “Frak You” to ABC for banishing all live performances from their network. It’s a “Frak You” to Gene Simmons who said his coming out would kill his career. And it’s a “Frak You” to the religious nuts all over the world who think he’s immoral or evil or deviant or whatever judgmental garbage they think.

The conventional wisdom continues to be that openly gay artists cannot succeed. And to be sure, prejudice does exist. But Adam Lambert’s success is proof that talent, training, hard work, courage, sexiness, and glitter can overcome that small percentage of “uncomfortable” people and forge a fan-base all over the world of men and women, young and old, gay and straight, of all races, cultures and beliefs. And as much as we loved hearing his story and his words of defiant encouragement, he really did not need to say it. His perseverance and triumph over bigotry is the ultimate “Frak You!”

Do You Know the Difference?

As northern Georgia gets blanketed in snow, many Climate Change naysayers point to the icy white fluff as evidence that there is no global warming.

Do they not know the difference between the "weather" and "climate?"

Weather is "the state of the atmosphere at a given time and place, with respect to variables such as temperature, moisture, wind velocity, and barometric pressure."

Climate is "the meteorological conditions, including temperature, precipitation, and wind, that characteristically prevail in a particular region."

Weather is made up of the separate eggs, oil, flour, and sugar. Climate is the cake.

Also, do they not understand what the word "global" means? It does not mean "northern Georgia." It means the entire planet Earth. "Omniterran" if you will. (Yes, I made that word up. It's going on Urban Dictionary as soon as I can get to the site.)

According to scientists, 2010 will go down in the record books as either the warmest or second warmest year on Earth since we started keeping records. And the decade from 2000 to 2010 will be the warmest decade.

So, I'm asking on behalf of everyone who knows the difference between "weather" and "climate," and between "Jasper, Georgia" and "the Earth," please do not point to snow and decry Climate Change. It makes you look stupid and it pisses me off!

This Just Cracks Me Up!

Dude! No one wants or needs to see this while eating dinner!

Let's ANALyze the situation, shall we?

Can he not feel the icy cool draft wooshing down his ass crack?

Does he not bother to check his pants prior to leaving home to make sure they will stay up?

My friend Kristen and I were eating sushi, minding our own business, when I excused myself to go to the loo. When I returned, she was "cracking" up. I asked her what was going on. She softly said that she just texted me a picture. This above is her shot of Mr. Bareass.

Luckily I had my back to his bare backside.

Ew. Just Ew.

There is not one thing appealing about seeing this. Not one. Funny? Yes. Attractive? No F'ing Way!

Could You Interview Someone Who Wants to Kill You?

Last night on The Rachel Maddow Show, she interviewed a Ugandan man who has authored a bill in that country that, if passed, calls for life imprisonment for gay people and the execution for those who engage in "aggravated homosexuality" (defined, in part, as repeated offenses of homosexual conduct).

Rachel Maddow has never made a secret of her sexuality. She sometimes even refers to her girlfriend in lighter moments on the show. And there she sat, via satellite, interviewing this ignorant lunatic who, in his home country, is advocating the extermination of homosexuals.

The law was partially written by members of the American group known as "The Family," and as the "C Street" group. The Family includes some prominent US politicians, including Senator John Ensign and Governor Mark Sanford. Members of the Family have travelled to Uganda to lend a hand to the homo-cidal nuts there who justify the murder of gay people with the scripture: "The wages of sin is death." (If that were really a justification, we'd have a death penalty for all crimes, and adultery, and lying, and coveting, etc.)

He kept pointing out that in his culture homosexuality was not a human right as it is in the US. Uh, maybe someone should explain to this moron that human rights are universal, that is what makes them human rights - the fact that all humans have them! The fact that he thinks it's OK to kill gay people just shows how badly the Ugandan government fails in recognizing and protecting human rights.

What I was so amazed by was Rachel's ability to stay calm and cool while interviewing someone who would have her killed if he had the power to do so.

The entire spectacle was sickening. He kept saying that homosexuals in Uganda "recruit" children, but when asked to provide what evidence he had to support this accusation, he just repeated that there was substantial evidence. The "recruiting" thing is the same myth Jerry Falwell and the other religious haters in the US have used too. It was even used in support of Prop 8 in California. Guess we know where he learned that lie. And it is a lie.

It is really should not be surprising that the hate-speech from so-called Christians in the US gets amped up to gay death squads when the gay-hating-missionaries make their way over to Uganda. In this country, we don't condone killing people who are different. We just pass laws to deprive them of rights. But in Uganda, the standards are a little different. Persecution is insufficient to cleanse the population. They must kill gay people to make sure God's law in enforced.

God must be really pissed off at the hate and ignorance being promulgated in his name. I just wish He'd do something about it.